June 7, 2009

In a funk

When we moved to TN it was a planned move...something we thought about, saved for,etc. We thought we had thought of everything before moving. After living in NY & then FL we both missed the changing seasons and wanted out of the heat of FL. However, we didn't take into account the area we were looking at very well and how we would fit...or not fit. My family moved up here before us and they picked the area. We had been looking at other areas...although I'm not so sure at this point that any other area in TN would be any better. We changed where we were looking based on being closer to my family. It was a nice thought but not the best idea. Anyway, when we first moved it was exciting but I missed our FL friends horribly. We were in a close group of like-minded friends as well as a close group of homeschooling friends. We had access to a lot of different options for homeschooling classes & extras. The first year here I would have given anything to leave and then I settled down some. During the next 2 years I've been on a roller coaster about living here and/or leaving here. It hasn't been easy..we don't fit in at all...we aren't Christian, we aren't conservative Republican, we aren't gun-toting, we believe that global warming is real and are trying to live in a greener fashion (recycling, composting, reducing our useage, etc). I've tried to get the kids involved in various activities and we've met some people. Unfortunately no one that we have become really close with....which is a bummer because it didn't take very long in FL. I don't know if it is the core differences that prevent it from happening or the fact that everyone has lived here since they were kids and have lifelong friends so don't "need" a close friend. Make sense? Not that we don't have people we do stuff with...just nobody that I feel like is a really close friend...the do anything with, just hang with, talk about anything with, etc. We attend social events and I definitely feel like the odd one out...the odd family out even. The host includes us but then everyone else is so much like each other that it is obvious we aren't like them....not redneck enough, don't smoke, and all the other stuff I mentioned earlier.

So, I hear in passing all the things people are doing with their good friends on a daily basis and it is really affecting me right now. I've managed to get myself into quite a funk again. Last night hubby was working (til 5am) and I cried myself to sleep. I'm back to wanting out of here. :-/ Not that it will happen. The housing market *sucks* even if I could convince the family to move and there is no way we could move anytime soon. Alex isn't into anything here so doesn't have roots but Morgan loves her dance studio. I've got to find a way to accept it all and deal with it. But how do you deal with the deep down loneliness that you know isn't going to go away. *sigh*
I do okay dealing with the day-to-day stuff. I've always been good at the 'happy on the outside' thing so very few people know that I am not happy. Oh well...such is life I guess. Maybe we can schedule a trip to FL and seeing friends will help.


Post a Comment

<< Home